Too much of anything is always dangerous. Too much of food makes you fat, too much of alcohol damages your kidney, too much of crying makes you nothing but sick, and excess of many other things that probably just gazed through your mind right now, do no good.

Overthinking. Kills you. Probably makes you imagine things you’ve never even thought of, would be present in your mind. It’s like you climbed a coconut tree fast enough, but you don’t know how you will get down on the ground, or probably went to an extent where you forgot to think about what you were supposed to do next.

But there’s a difference between overthinking and caring about someone.

It is so difficult for people to understand that just because we are telling them something they haven’t ever noticed about themselves that has been changing since a long time, does not mean that we are overthinking.

It comes out of concern for that person, rather the kind of attachment you possess for that person.

When people make new friends; in the process they tend to forget what their old friends were like.

Every phone call that used to last for hours, now just turned into a 1-min phone call for some work.

Every new place you travelled to, you’d never forget to get them something they really liked. Every new place they travel to, you’re never even on their mind while getting something for everybody.

Every time you cried in front of them, you felt better because they were always there. It all turned into you feeling embarrassed to cry in front of them because whether you are okay or you aren’t, it doesn’t make much of a difference to them.

So everytime you try to get into a much deeper conversation about how things used to be long back, when probably new people hadn’t occupied this place in their heart, they tell you:

You’re just overthinking, I’m still the same person to you.”

Well. If you were the same person to me, you would probably be concerned if you hadn’t seen me for weeks. If you were the same person to me, you wouldn’t mind taking out time from your so called ‘busy schedule’ and try to listen to what I really feel.

People don’t stay the same, they change. I know. But do they leave their favorite people behind?

Everything evolves, and so does the human being. But he evolves in a way that he does good to the people who always stood by him, and not by damaging them just because you found somebody new.

I’m going to tell you everytime I see you how much I’ve wanted to pour my heart out in front of you, and how much I’ve missed you. How much it hurts my ego to see you smiling with someone so recent, when all the efforts were always made by the person that has been there for years that passed by.

I’m going to tell you that no matter how much you kill me with that knife, you’ve been an amazing person to me and I’ll always be there when you need me. I don’t like being what you are being to me.

I hope that person gives you all the happiness I have been trying to give all these years.

This girl right here, who is probably overthinking, has come up like a rebel and probably one day she’ll be gone, without telling you where she is. This little monster who probably poured her heart in front of you, won’t even remember you one day because when she needed you, you showed you can’t be there for her, and one fine day karma will come back to you,

And when you’ll try telling her how much she has changed and that you’ve missed her all this time,

She’ll probably be busy with a lot of things then.

When you’ll again insist on explaining what is wrong with her and what is weird,

She’ll say this to you:

You’re overthinking. If you cared back then, you wouldn’t be so helpless without me today. I’m still the same person, and since that day I stopped caring in a way that I couldn’t ever overthink about things going wrong with you. I’m still the same person. All that has changed is, your ability to see who was your real friend. I’m not going to be able to trust you again. It’ll be great if you don’t remind me of the pieces that broke, because I’ve gathered all my broken pieces and come here to mend them. Let me do it without you, because when too many people try to mend a heart; they end up getting attached, which isn’t what I want you to do.”

Picture credits: Umang Shah.


9 thoughts on “Overthinking

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